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Quoth Dirk Laurie <dpl@sun.ac.za>, on 2010-12-29 12:19:14 +0200:
> 6. Unless one can find a way to mimic them by some sort of anonymous
>     recursive function constructor.

And the canonical anonymous recursive function constructor _is in fact
the Y combinator_, which:

> 7. Which I think a sufficiently clever programmer could write, probably
>     by using pattern matching and loadin.

requires zero changes to the syntax and zero screwy parsing or textual
substitutions in code or environment munging or anything like that,
and does not require naming the target function in any way other than
inside its own body (which all your purported examples do by reserving
a word instead).

You _have_ your anonymous recursive function constructor.  I just gave
it to you, and so did someone else.  Now, what's wrong with it?

> 8. And which clever programmer I vainly hoped was listening in.

Not 'clever' enough for you?  Too bad.

   ---> Drake Wilson